I know I have been absent lately. In fact, a lot of times.. this is because I have been going through some personal problems that I need to overcome one way or another.
I have discovered, well, more like accepted the fact that I suffer from severe depression and anxiety that became worse when I came in this country.
At first I thought that it’s just a “Mind over Matter” thing. I thought that it is something that I can get over with over a few hours of sleep but truth is it is not.
A lot of people are unknowingly suffering from this condition. Maybe you have bouts of mood swings and feelings of helplessness without even knowing why – this my friend, is a red flag that you should watch out for. I know because I have been brushing this feeling off for a very long time. In fact, 12 years in the making and it has only now that I came to accept the fact that I do have it.
I am guessing that my depression and anxiety stemmed after my mother died and soon after my father passed. I never truly grieved because after they died I had to pick myself up and start living on my own. Another reason is the failed relationships that I’ve had, one being in the longest (about 7 years) that I never really gotten over with. That being said, these thoughts have clouded my mind and I have been struggling since.
I haven’t seen a shrink yet. I know I should have a long time ago but my financial status was horrible and although I am earning okay now, I still am not in the position to have regular therapy. However, I do plan on getting checked after I go home in the Philippines. I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts and these panic attacks have been going on for some time. I need help, I know and I am hoping that when I have the time, I can focus on my mental health.
If you are suffering from depression like me, please get help. I don’t recommend what I did – brushing it off because it will only get worse. So please seek help as soon as you can.
For now I am trying not to think too much, thus, I started writing again. I am going to use this as a form of catharsis for now. After all, this is the only outlet I have here.
Till next time guys.